The inspiration for this entry came when I was in the toilet, no prizes for guessing what I was doing ey!
I recalled my dad telling me in a father-daughter chat some years back, that life is about choices. In every situation possible in our life, there are choices to be made. Simple things like, 'Should I take this crowded bus, or wait for the next one', or, 'What should I eat?' And then there are the more major and pressing issues like,'Should I further my studies? Where? Doing what?' or 'What should I embark on after education life, what do I wanna be when I grow up?' (Apa, tak cukup tua ke sekarang?? Hehe..)
Indeed, choices make what we are now. Just imagine if I had chosen to defy my mum and hangout with the void deck kids when I was little, (no puns intended) I would have probably been a bleached-haired, swear-ranting, attention seeking 'minah' that void deck girls have been known to grow up to. Instead, I chose to be the homely girl, playing 'masak-masak' and 'crocodile dundee' with two of my sisters. I chose to be the girl who seldom skips school, who does her homework, and gets a somewhat complete journey of formal education. Though i'm not saying that I've been all good. All work and no play makes Jane a dull girl. had my many bouts of rebellion, of making the wrong choices, which I realised. has a major impact on who i am now. Like when I was 18, I had a boyfriend whom my parents disapproved of, but I still went ahead for the relationship that ended sourly. They still tease me about it sometimes, calling me 'blind' and 'silly', and laughing it off together afterwards. Oh, and like forgoing the opportunity to get a debut job which pays more than what an average diploma holder gets just to pursue a lower paying one just to pursue my line of interest, which, also ended up in smoke, no thanks to a f***** up boss. That, until now, has been my biggest regret, and am still looking out for other opportunities.
And then there are choices which, you somehow make in the spur of the moment, which should have been something to regret about, but you just don't You do it because you want to, never minding the consequences that might or will come later.
For the past month or so, I am faced with many of these choices to make. All these seemingly small choices makes up into a major choice i have to make. I am always bugged by them, keeping late nights, dunking coffee like it was water, and eating junk fatty junk food like it was a staple meal. The impact can already be seen, mind you. I think my thighs have grown twice its normal size, and my cheeks look like chicken chunks. But I think all that junking seems to work, because slowly, I am realising what I should decide. Series of events have happened that have only made me believe that the choice I am gonna make is the correct one. Also, good thanks to the words of advise from a dear friend.
What exactly is the choice that I have to make? That's ... for me to know. My future entries will tell ...

And she waves goodbye...

12:29 pm